she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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