im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My dick has a subreddit
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize