I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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