shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
