We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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