As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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