all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
