well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
