Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
