I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We need a shit load of segways right now
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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