what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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