i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
nutella sex= disaster
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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