I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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