His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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