I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
