She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The power of my boobs compel you
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
