it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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