Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
