The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
