I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
