1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
