whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
