Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
