We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
