You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
