census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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