I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize