susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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