I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
