I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
why is half of my head shaved?
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