Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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