i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
