You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
