so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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