Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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