When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
