Can Purell be used as lube?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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