you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
