Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
