i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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