He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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