ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
