feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
