and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
