how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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