It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
