i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
