Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
