Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Two words: blizzard sex
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
