C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
