He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
