Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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