..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
