i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
