i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You're like the curious george of whores
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
