yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
