wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
