it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
