which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
