Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
