You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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