well I can't set my house on fire every night
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
your like the ambassador to my penis.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
