I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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