i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
