Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
