I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
