finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
