Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
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