I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
