Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
