OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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