when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
its liver damage thursday
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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